my new year's resolutions

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Posted by Darkhound on January 15, 2008 at 9:29AM

This years resolutions, in no particular order:

To point out to people at every opportunity that shouting or typing the word FACT at the end of a statement does not necessarily make the statement true. FACT.

To collect all the fluff from my belly button and and have it woven into a suit. Recycling, people. It's how we'll save the planet.

To start writing a cohesive novel with a plot and a theme rather than a disconnected set of cool looking scenes loosely gathered together like a Jerry Bruckheimer film.

To lobby the world's leaders to have indigo removed as an official colour from the rainbow. It's really just there because it sounds cooler to have seven colours in the rainbow and not six, and anyway indigo is just dark purple, and since we have blue and violet already, I feel this is really too much redundancy in the blue/red overlap end of the spectrum.

To meet someone in upper or even middle management that can write an email without basic grammatical, typographical or spelling errors. You're meant to be senior business people. Get it right. You should know better (or "get it write you should no better" as such people would probably write)

To stop winking at strangers.

To discover the link between the deaths of Diana, Elvis, Kennedy, Monroe and Asmodean. There's bound to be one if we look hard enough.

To get my back fixed so I can shake my tush, which I'm led to believe by a certain member of this forum, is located in the vicinity of my lower back and well worth a shake.

To tell telesales people "I'm sorry, I don't have a telephone" when they phone me.

To shave more often. A distinctive salt and pepper beard I could handle, but not a chin that looks like someone poured iron fillings into a tramp's magnetic jockstrap and decorated them with white chocolate sprinkles.

To put my fingers in my ears and say "la la la la la I can't hear you" when the air-stewards are doing those pre-flight safety equipment demonstrations.

To set all captive audiences free.

To start asking people with bluetooth headsets "have you been assimilated?"

Follow Ups:

*lol* I've gotta try some of those....nt Ruth 6:08PM 1/26/08 (0)
you aren't going senile are ya petey? j/k mt rhodric 10:20AM 1/24/08 (1)
- Not quite yet, Carlykins *s* [nt] ukDH 5:29PM 1/24/08 (0)
...which were of course meant to be posted as a reply to Kit's post *abashed* [nt] Dumbhound 9:33AM 1/15/08 (1)
- Ismael Collins Rosemary Fuller 12:10PM 5/13/08 (0)

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Comments:

: <span style="font: bold 12pt Tahoma, Arial; color: #ee6633">
: This years resolutions, in no particular order:
: <ul>
: <li>To point out to people at every opportunity that shouting or typing the word FACT at the end of a statement does not necessarily make the statement true. FACT.</li>
: <li>To collect all the fluff from my belly button and and have it woven into a suit. Recycling, people. It's how we'll save the planet.</li>
: <li>To start writing a cohesive novel with a plot and a theme rather than a disconnected set of cool looking scenes loosely gathered together like a Jerry Bruckheimer film.</li>
: <li>To lobby the world's leaders to have indigo removed as an official colour from the rainbow. It's really just there because it sounds cooler to have seven colours in the rainbow and not six, and anyway indigo is just dark purple, and since we have blue and violet already, I feel this is really too much redundancy in the blue/red overlap end of the spectrum.</li>
: <li>To meet someone in upper or even middle management that can write an email without basic grammatical, typographical or spelling errors. You're meant to be senior business people. Get it right. You should know better (or "get it write you should no better" as such people would probably write)</li>
: <li>To stop winking at strangers.</li>
: <li>To discover the link between the deaths of Diana, Elvis, Kennedy, Monroe and Asmodean. There's bound to be one if we look hard enough.</li>
: <li>To get my back fixed so I can shake my tush, which I'm led to believe by a certain member of this forum, is located in the vicinity of my lower back and well worth a shake.</li>
: <li>To tell telesales people "I'm sorry, I don't have a telephone" when they phone me.</li>
: <li>To shave more often. A distinctive salt and pepper beard I could handle, but not a chin that looks like someone poured iron fillings into a tramp's magnetic jockstrap and decorated them with white chocolate sprinkles.</li>
: <li>To put my fingers in my ears and say "la la la la la I can't hear you" when the air-stewards are doing those pre-flight safety equipment demonstrations.</li>
: <li>To set all captive audiences free.</li>
: <li>To start asking people with bluetooth headsets "have you been assimilated?"</li>
: </ul>
: </span>

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