Posted by Darkhound : 1971 to .... on October 17, 2008 at 9:42PM
In Reply to: Write your own obituary posted by Darkhound on October 17, 2008 at 9:40PM:
The nurses called him "Pooey Pete" due to his habit of propulsion-excreting upon the nearest available female nurse, a habit that JessieBair can attest still exists to this day, and didn't make back-surgery n 2008 any easier. At an average 'comprehensive' working class school in the sphincter of Essex, England, Darkhound was at first confused, then noted as above-average, and finally bullied into submission for being an attention-seeking twat, until he learned that being a twat on the internet was safer. While never a man to understand the female mind, Darkhound nevertheless managed to attract the attention of a small subset of euqally odd females that appriecated self-indulgence, shyness and an extremely cute ass. He won awards in Kung-fu and was married several times, thus concluding he was more adept at the martial arts than the marital arts. In his 2021 auto-biogrpahy "Charm Otters the Darkhound way" he revealed: "Wives, Mistresses, True-Loves and Concubines are like cars - You must make sure you improve the model everytime, to reduce the chance of breakdown. Also, if they have a drink-holder that's cool too." 1999 was a catalystic year for Darkhound. In March journeyed to Canada and learned that it was so cold that Chihuahua's had to wear little leather jackets (in Toronto at least). Later that year he attended another major catalyst of his life, the Memphis meeting of the internet based Robert Jordan fanclub, "Pages of Prophecy", detailed in his book under the chapter "OsWald needs Nachos". Later that year he began to work in London as a programmer and system designer, learning that in Microsoft circles this job would be described an "architect evangelist", leading to his infamous expostulations of "Jeeeeeeezuss that's an efficent recursive anonymous delegate method, brother!" and "Sweet mother Mary, when will they introduce generic signatures to the .Net framework?" In 2012, Darkhound left London, mortally afraid of the effect of the London hosted Olympics, and submitted his first novel to publishers, more in hope in expectation. Unexpectedly, Tor books signed up his 38 book epic "The Orphan farm-boy who learned he was a powerful wizardy type and also found a magic sword according to prophecy known onlyy to a few select characters who won't be telling" which sold 2.8 gazillion copies between 2012 and his death at the age of 92, when his helicopter crashed over mexico while filming the mating habits of Mexiacn Otters. His life story is being comitted to film by multi-Oscar winning director Mcauley Caulkin, and has a working title of "Dark dogs and their dangly bits". He is succeeded only by Jessie who is under strict instructions to have his skin turned into a floor-rug and his organs served as ten-thousand-dollar executive courses in her successful restaurant "The Bair Necessities". His liver was donated to medical science. They sent it back.
Darkhound was born in south eastern England in that lovely rounded bit that looks like a pregnant stomach to a pair of bar-stewards. These complete bar-stewards were employed by the British Merchant Navy and among their favourite activities was instigating new cocktails and speed-copulation, resulting in the birth of strange child called Pete in 1971. He remained the most handsome 2nd child called Pete they ever had.