Posted by Amalisa on October 18, 2008 at 9:17PM
In Reply to: Write your own obituary posted by Darkhound on October 17, 2008 at 9:40PM:
The High Lady Amalisa (who was rarely lady-like, and only occasionally high) passed from this earthly plane on Thursday last. While rumors of jello shots, land speed records and a trapeze abound, the actual circumstances of her demise are shrouded (no pun intended) in secrecy and will be revealed in an HBO pay-per-view special, hosted by Geraldo Rivera, at a date to be determined, but as soon as possible after the books close in Las Vegas. Lady Amalisa, known to her friends by various names, depending on their mood or which creditor(s) had her number on speed dial, was a fun-loving, gregarious and not terribly fiscally responsible soul who rarely met a stranger, and who never met a pay-day loan establishment she didn’t like. Over the course of her *mumbles* years, she managed to elevate ADOS (Attention Defi- Oh, Shiny!) to an art form and, as such, indulged in many varied “careers” including (but not limited to) bartender, airline hostess, gunrunner, switchboard operator, pirate, movie critic, radio disk jockey, attorney and nun. Her friends were legion (seriously, as in the French Foreign one), and she was frequently seen in the company of B-movie stars and state politicians. She counted many of them as “dear and close personal friends. Very dear and very close.” *wink wink nudge nudge* While she was not engaged in connubial bliss at the time of her unfortunate death, the High Lady had had three “wonderful” husbands – one of them was actually hers. Besides her friends, associates, creditors, lovers and other strangers, she leaves to mourn her passing her beloved son, Lima Bean (conceived and born during her vegetarian phase), and her two cats, Black and Decker. In lieu of flowers, those wishing to leave a monetary remembrance will find a list of the aforementioned creditors in the vestibule of the Wiestufem and Howe Funeral Home. They will be grateful for your support.