"Hello, I am your Tour Guide through the Tower. My name is Mikel Sedai of the Salidar White Tower Tours." She turns and does a motion with her hand that seems to be showing off the person beside her "This is Moridin, my assistant and Warder. Don't be fooled by his name, even though it means death, it doesn't mean that he isn't a really nice guy."

She motions to her left "This is the former practice grounds of the Warders, as you can see there is some major construction going on. The current Amyrlin Seat, not to be confused with the chair or what she uses to sit on that chair, although of late it is a common mistake, has decided the Warders no longer need these ground to practice on. The Amyrlin thinks Aes Sedai don't need them, so she decided to build herself a palace on these grounds. The Amyrlin plans for her palace to rival the Tower in majesty and shear size. There is a joke running around the Salidar Aes Sedai that says 'Not only men worry about size'. Remember, you didn't hear that from me." Mikel does a practiced chuckle, one that says she has said that line many times before.

Rhodric turns to Bob and says "Sounds like this Amyrlin chick is a real female dog in heat, if you get what I mean. If you don't, I mean the b-word that many rappers use to describe women."

Bob smacks Rhodric upside the head "I know what you mean." then he pauses "I agree though. I also think she suffers from major penis envy. Only a woman suffering from that would want to make something so long and erect."

Rhodric nods sagely "I agree S, eerr, Bob." Then he thinks of something "You know that Mikel Sedai is cute. To bad she is bonded, other wise I'd be down with that mamma."

Rhodric puts on his best pimp daddy act "I would just come up to her and say 'Hey chicky mamma, what up? What's the color of your panties, honeylips?'. Then she would be mine." Rhodric's eyes smolder with sensual pleasue.

Bob starts to laugh so hard he us unable to smack Rhodric upside the head. Bob chokes out through guffaws "I..... don't...... think.....that w-w-wouldddd..... work!"

Rhodric frowns at Bob's laughing. Rhodric then lights up with a new idea "Hey Bob! We should sneak out of the Tour and go hit on a few Aes Sedai." Then Rhodric grins evilly "We're in a planet of women who need a few good men."

Bob smiles "I'll tell you what, you get the Reds. The Reds have the most women in the Ajah and absolutely no men to challenge you, a virtual smorgusbord. I'll take the Greens who are completely slutty, and have tons of warders."

Rhodric grins happily from ear to ear "Really?" when Bob nods he brightens even more "Thanks Bob, you're the greatest!!" A tear almost enters Rhodric eye, but it is quickly consumed by the lust in his mind.

Rhodric rubs his hands together in pleasure. "I'll go find the Reds now!" Rhodric looks around quickly and hops off the tour wagon.

Bob laughs and quickly follows after. Watching Rhodric head for the Red part of the Tower, Bob falls to the ground rolling with laughter that Rhodric never sees.

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On the way to the Red's part of the Tower, Rhodric stops and goes into a closet to change. He pulls out a bit of cloth from his pocket, quickly strips and puts it on. On the front of the small piece of cloth it says "Speedo". Putting on a robe that he picked up out of the warder's personal showers on the way to the Tower. Feeling everything is perfect, Rhodric comes out of the closet, strutting. Rhodric struts into the Red Ajahs abode, winking and kissing at them. The Reds just sit there stunned.

Rhodric stops and stands in the middle of the huge Red Flame of Tar Valon and kisses at an especially pretty Red "Hey honeylips, if you behave and play your cards right, you can be first."

The Red Aes Sedai just stares at him in disbelief, not believing what her eyes are showing her, and to shocked to turn away.

Dropping his robe to the floor Rhodric thrusts his hips out, the speedo around his hips straining "I am the love machine, baby!" Rhodric cries and begins swinging his arms back and forth while thrusting his hips "I know you all want me, here I am, the love machine!"

He starts combing his hair back with his fingers "I am so sexy, you all just seemed totally stunned by my phenomenal beauty. Don't worry, in a few days you'll get used to my extraordinary good looks, and begin to feel better about yourself." Rhodric begins to waggle his fingers at the Aes Sedai. "Come to me, my sweetlings, for I am the love machine, built to give pleasure."

A Red turns to another Red and says "This is why I chose the Red Ajah." She looks at Rhodric pointedly "Men are stupid."

The 2nd Red nods "Shall we Balefire him?"

The 1st Red nods in return "Indeed, I say we should Balefire him so we don't have to put up with this in the next Turning of the Wheel."

Rhodric screaches "BALEFIRE!" trying to calm himself while backing away from the women, Rhodric trys to reason with the insane Reds "Look here ladies, it was just a joke. The Greens sent me, they thought you could use a man, I swear! Can't we discuss this? I mean we are all reasonable people here, right?"

The 2 Reds look at each other "Who is being reasonable?" Then they smile wickedly at each other and then at Rhodric "We just want to see how fast you can run with Balefire flying all around you. Sounds fun, no?"

Rhodric looks at the 2 Reds and then the Reds behind them. Seeing their faces he runs, runs as fast as he can, faster then he ever ran before as the first of many shots Balefire soars over his head. Rhodric screams and the Reds give chase.

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While Rhodric is running for his life, Bob is sneaking through the Novices Quarters, looking for an especially gullible, I mean, lonely Novice. Creeping through the halls Bob bumps into a leather clad woman, at her hip is curled an especially long and nasty looking bull whip. Jumping in surprise and reverting to the kid who just got caught with his fingers in the cookie jar look. Bob begins to cringe under the woman's green eyed stare.

Bob stammers "Good morrow Aes Sedai. I am lost, where might I find the bathroom?"

The Aes Sedai cocks an eyebrow "This is the novices quarters, and men aren't aloud in the novices quarters."

She looks Bob up and down and smiles "I am the Mistress of Novices Ariella, you can call me Mistress Ariella Sedai." She looks him up and down again smiling more "What is your name my tasty treat?"

Bob stammers "Errr.. Sha... eerr... Bbb.. Bb.. Bbbbb... Bob!" gathering some courage he says "I swear I was only looking to the bathroom, Mistress Ariella Sedai. I swear wasn't here looking for women. I would never do that, nuh uh." he shakes his head to emphasize his point.

By the light in Ariella's eyes Bob then realizes he made a fatal mistake, and see that he just gave away his intentions. He flinches at what he sees Ariella's intense green eyes. Bob knees begin to knock, and he begins to sweat with fear.

Ariella's eyesbows raise "You weren't looking for women? Uh huh, sure you weren't." Ariella crosses her arms and brings a hand up to her chin using one finger to tap her cheek "You know, you look alot like Shadowkiller, a notorious flirt. You also look VERY tasty. Are you tasty? I wonder."

Ariella then laughs evily, her head thrown back and her red hair streaming down her back. She looks at Bob, a fire blazing furiously in her eyes. "Well you have found a woman, my tasty treat. Now the question is, are you man enough for her?"

Bob thinks and quickly says "Uummm, no. Really, I am not. I am not even a man at all!"

Ariella laughs wickedly "I like 'em cute and modest, now come here!"

Bob takes one look at Ariela and runs for his life. Ariella simply frees the whip from her side and casually snaps it around Bob's feet. Like a cat, Ariella drags Bob back to her playfully.

"I always say, 'Who needs the Saidar when you have a nice long whip?'." Ariella says laughing at Bob's futile attempts to free himself.

Ariella picks Bob up and drapes him over her shoulder hauling him back to her quarters. Bob knowing what is about to be done to him begins to scream, a scream of horror. The novice's in the corridors who witness this discreetly leave finding chores that need to be done, but they were never assigned to do.

"Where are you taking me, Mistress Ariella Sedai?" Bob screams.

Ariella cackles "Back to my room. Now don't worry, this won't hurt me a bit."

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Running through the courtyard, balefire flying everywhere, Rhodric in his speedo, somehow so has managed to avoid being turned into nothingness and remain apart of the pattern. Suddenly an especially close bit of balfire touches the seam to his speedo, making the Speedo fall off. Now running naked, Rhodric starts attracting the attention of the Green Ajah, who seeing a naked man streak by, want to see if he is worth bonding. Many of they where already formulating a series rigorous tests to have Rhodric perform for them. The Greens begin to join the Reds in the chase, but for different reasons. One especially fast Green is able to grab Rhodric's butt when he streaks by her hiding place, this only spurrs Rhodric to run faster. Unknown to Rhodric, the Reds and Greens begin to notice each other and tempers begin to fly.

Hearing noise behind him, and finally noting the absence of balefire, Rhodric looks behind him as he runs and sees the Greens and Reds fighting over him. Hearing things like "I want to Balefire the rascal." to "I wanna test his cute little booty, and see what kind of steadfast warder he would make." to "That boy must be extinguished from the pattern!" to "I wanna roll in the hay with him!" to "You slut!" to "Keep your damn hands of me you Red Freak! I don't swing that way!" and other things that shouldn't be mentioned on a family site.

Suddenly arms reach out from a bush and grabs Rhodric pulling him into it. A hand covers his mouth and a woman's voice comes from behind him "It isn't a very good idea to streak through the tower. A Green is liable to get bond crazy, and a Red liable to get Balefire happy." Releasing him Rhodric turns to her.

Rhodric sighs and say "Don't I know it."

The woman's voice laughs "Remember that in the future and you'll be alright. By the way, I am Keslynn, the true Amyrlin that nobody knows about." She turns to retrieve something "Want to buy a action figure? You can't buy the Super Love Slave Action SK, it is the only one I have and I like playing with it to much."

Keslynn smiles fondly at the SK doll "But anything else you see here you are free to buy. All proceeds go to me raising and army to take the Tower from Elaida. Does that sound like a good cause to you?"

Rhodric grins "Yes it does. I am Rhodric, by the way." He looks her up and down "And you are beautiful, honeylips, wanna bond me?"

Keslynn looks at Rhodric quizzically, then shrugs "Sure what the heck, I've got nothing better to do, but you've got to put some clothes on first. I don't bond weirdos."

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Bob stumbles out of the Mistress of Novices' quarters with lipstick on his cheek, his hair messed up, his clothes rumpled and his shirt partly untucked. Ariella, also looking disheveled, follows him out the door.

Ariella smiles happilly "I knew you were man enough." Then smile turns wicked "Get back in here."

Ariella grabs Bob and drags him back into the blackness of her chambers. A scream is heard exscaping from Bob's lips but is quickly cut off by the closing of the doors. Once again novices find chores that need to be done but were never assigned to do.

Sometime later, Bob stumbles out of the room again, this time Ariella doesn't follow and just bids him a breathless goodbye from the bed.

A call comes from the room "Thanks Bob, that was fun."

Bob just looks back, a dazed look in his eyes, and says "The Wine Spring Inn is fun, that was nasty."

Bob shuffles down the hall like a mental patient with to much anti-psychotic drugs running through his veins. Suddenly a pair of running feet come Bob's way.

"S,eeeeerrrr, BOB!!" Rhodric yells with a woman at his side "Where ya' been? We've looking for you for hours!"

Rhodric looks at the state Bob is in "GEEZZ!! You look like a battering ram hit you, what happened?"

Bob sighs wistfully "Mistress Ariella Sedai." shaking himself as if trying to clear his head, and not succeeding "It was horrible, she made me do it, but I fought her, but the more I fought the more she laughed at me and the more I ended up giving. Now look at me, I am a shell of a man!" Bob cries.

Rhodric looks concerned "Was it that bad?!?!"

Bob shakes himself again "LIGHT NO!! I loved every minute of it!"

Rhodric just shakes his head "Ok S, eerr, Bob." coughing Rhodric continues "Well anyway, I have something to tell you, the woman by my side is Keslynn, she is the Amyrlin and my bond holder." Rhodric smiles happily.

Bob sighs wistfully and says "Congratulations you two. May you two have a long and happy bondage."

Rhodric's grin gets wider "She is also Amyrlin, in truth even. A freak thing happened while we were bonding, the Amyrlin Elaida was taking a walk in the courtyard and was struck by some balefire. Very odd."

Keslynn laughs "And I now I get to keep the money from selling all those action figures!"

The three companions walk off into the sunset, well actually Keslynn and Rhodric supporting Bob, who can't walk (Bob is still recovering from Ariella's gentle minstrations to this day), as they walk off into the sunset.

The End